When the Caregivers Start Ageing Too. A Reality Check on Elder Care in India.

By Dr. Nidhi Gupta

We often say that India is a land of traditions. One of the most sacred among them is this: children must look after their parents in old age.

It’s a moral expectation. A cultural truth. A story passed down from generation to generation.

But somewhere between tradition and reality, things are starting to crack. And nobody is really talking about it.

An older adult helps another elder

The New Reality

We’re living longer now. Our parents—many of them—are living into their 90s. Some even cross a hundred. This should be a cause for celebration, right?

It is.

But it also means that the people expected to care for them—their children—are often in their 60s or 70s themselves.

Let’s pause and think about that.

A 70-year-old looking after a 95-year-old.

A son with arthritis helping his father with his walker.

A daughter juggling her own blood pressure meds while trying to track her mother’s dementia symptoms.

Who takes care of the caregiver when the caregiver is also growing old?

The Emotional Rift

In our cultural framework, the default response is—“You must.”

“You have to look after your parents. No excuses.”

But biology doesn’t listen to tradition. Human energy doesn’t increase with age just because the moral expectation says it should.

There’s an unspoken rift forming in many families today. On one side are elderly parents—feeling ignored, neglected, and sometimes even abandoned.

“My children don’t have time for me.”

“They don’t call.”

“They don’t care.”

On the other side are adult children—exhausted, stretched, overwhelmed.

“I want to help, but I’m tired too.”

“I’m dealing with my own health issues.”

“How do I do this endlessly, without burning out?”

This rift is not because of a lack of love.

It’s because the structure we’re trying to uphold—this traditional image of the dutiful child and dependent parent—was built in a different time.

A time when lifespans were shorter, joint families were the norm, and personal ambition took a backseat to familial duty.

Today, the picture has changed—dramatically.

So What Can We Do?

We can’t fight biology.

But we can rethink our systems.

It’s time we explored and normalized new models of elder care that are rooted in dignity, connection, and realism—not guilt or obligation.

1.⁠ ⁠Senior Living Communities

We need thoughtfully designed spaces for elders—not the gloomy image of old-age homes from decades past, but vibrant assisted-living communities where seniors can live with autonomy, have medical support, participate in activities, and enjoy friendships.

Think morning yoga, community meals, movie nights, and yes—video calls with their children, not complaints about them.

This isn’t abandonment. This is a modern form of respect.

2.⁠ ⁠A Stronger Care Ecosystem

We must build and normalize access to trained caregivers and home care services—not just for the bedridden, but even for everyday support.

Hiring a caretaker shouldn’t be seen as failure. It’s no different than hiring a teacher, a driver, or a cook.

3.⁠ ⁠A Gentle Word to the New-Age Oldies

And here’s a message to my own generation—the 50s, 60s, and 70s club.

We are the next in line. The ageing population is not some distant demographic—it’s us.

Let’s not just prepare for retirement; let’s prepare for interdependence.

Let’s not passively wait to be “looked after.” Let’s build structures, preferences, and backup plans while we still can.

Let’s age consciously, not clingingly.

Expectations from children can quietly grow into demands. But the truth is—our children, too, are leading fast, complex lives. And love doesn’t have to look like 24/7 proximity.

So why not proactively explore senior living options, long-term care plans, or even form friendship-based living clusters with like-minded peers?

Why not choose companionship over dependency?

If we want to age gracefully, we must also learn to let go gracefully.

That is wisdom. That is freedom. That is love without strings.

4.⁠ ⁠Rewrite the Cultural Script

Being a good child doesn’t mean doing everything.

And being a good parent doesn’t mean demanding everything.

Let’s replace obligation with openness.

Let’s create a culture where everyone is allowed to age with dignity—not just the first generation.

Final Thoughts

Elder care in today’s world is not a one-way responsibility.

It’s a shared evolution.

Let’s stop burdening ourselves and our elders with outdated ideals that no longer serve anyone.

Let’s build new ways of caring—modern, mindful, and mutually liberating.

Let’s start this conversation while we’re still in the space to shape it.

Because ageing is inevitable. But how we age—that’s a choice.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

What do you think about this changing landscape of elder care?

Have you experienced or witnessed this transition—either as a caregiver or an ageing parent?

And more importantly—what are some practical ways you think we can implement above shared ideas?

Have you seen senior communities that work well? Know someone who has planned their ageing journey wisely? Or perhaps you’re exploring these options yourself?

Let’s learn from each other. Share your ideas, your stories, or even your challenges in the comments. Feel free to share your thoughts on elder care in India with me privately on WhatsApp.

For more such reflections on shifting roles, emotional evolution in families, and parenting across generations, read my book Unparenting.